It was the first time that I was going to be driving for a long distance by myself. I was so excited and I loaded my car with essentials for my trip, including a full tank of gas, a GPS and lots of great music. I was going to visit my friend Nicole at her college in Massachusetts, about four hours away. On my way there were many unexpected things that occurred.
I must have been on the road about an hour when I suddenly heard sirens behind me and as I looked into my rearview mirror I saw flashing lights. A million thoughts went through my mind as I thought about what I could have done. I pulled over towards the side of the highway and waited for the police officer to approach my car. He told me that I was driving twenty miles over the speed limit and asked me for my license and registration. I handed these items to him and explained to him that both of my parents were police officers. Thankfully, he didn’t give me a ticket and he let me go with only a warning.
As I continued driving on, the crazy woman on my GPS told me to get off at the next exit. I knew this wasn’t the exit I needed, but I decided to follow the GPS anyway. I drove on side streets for what seemed like forever before I realized that the GPS was set to avoid toll roads and it was taking me out of the way. I changed the settings and headed back in the right direction. At this point I never though that I would make it to Massachusetts and frustration was starting to set it from all of the delays.
Just when I thought that my trip couldn’t get any worse, I felt an uncontrollable shaking of the car that I had never felt before. I pulled over to the side of the road to find out that I had a flat tire. I called home and my father told me to call AAA to see if they would come and tow my car. It took them forty-five minutes to show up.
Even though what should have taken me only four hours ended up taking me seven hours, I finally made it to my destination. I was so excited to see my friend and her new dorm that I forgot about everything that happened earlier.
I think you have to proofread. The second to last sentence in the third paragraph there was a spelling error. The story did not appeal to me as much. It was not very interesting and it did not grasp my attention.
ReplyDeleteI like that your story could relate to any driver that has experienced a bad ride trying to visit their friends. It's a very "traveler appropriate" story. Also, you followed the prompt well by making the reader feel your emotions.
ReplyDeleteIt could have been a tad more descriptive in order to make the reader feel your emotions more vividly, and some of your verbs could have been more colorful.
Your story is a very common one to most drivers going long distance routes. I liked your story because after the cops pulled you over but i thought their should have been description to create suspense.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your story since I have had a similar experience myself and it was something I could relate to, but I feel like you could have been more descriptive in your narrative to give the reader a better idea of the situation. Also, I think you should have put more thought and effort into the ending of your story.
ReplyDeleteI have to say I admire your dedication and persistence to keep going and reach your destination. However, I think you should be more descriptive of your emotions as you tell about these events to make the story more interesting. Also, the second sentence of the first paragraph is a run-on sentence and should be broken down into two sentences.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to read your story. I liked the part that you told the cop that both your parents were cops. I also agree with others that maybe you could use some descriptive language to make it more vivid.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very nice story and I like you gave descriptive details of each of your obstacles . You should also double check your work because there was a spelling error in one of your sentence. I can also relate to your story because I have gone through so many scenarios with my car.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was a good and relatable story. I think you just need to proofread and describe the events you experienced a little more. However, I liked your topic and think your lie was pretty well hidden.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was a story that a lot of new drivers can relate to including me because something similar like this happened to me. It was very well written but I think you could have described more of what you were seeing on the road like if it was dark or scary or tall trees hovering over you.. etc. Your lie was very well hidden and had my attention from start to end.
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